America's Got Talent Cats Style
by Kayl Darkwood
Summary: "What happens when technical problems with the world's biggest talent search leads to the theater manager entertaining the crowd and judges? An Improv performance of Cats songs! And which judge joins in the fun? Read on to find out!" xD


THIS IS ABOUT PEOPLE PERFORMING CATS! NOT ABOUT CATS ITSELF!

Alright, this comes from over-active plot bunnies and watching too much America's Got Talent. Be warned, I know nothing of theatres, sound systems, or music, so if I've made a mistake, feel free to point it out. (That goes for grammatical errors too! xD)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but Kara, Matt, Cane, Ranger, Phil and Lil (the characters, not the babies).

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**"Kara," the stage manager called as he bounded up to me. He was a stocky man with short, receding blonde hair and blue eyes. He wore a light blue polo and sandy colored slacks. Over his left ear set a headset, with a mic stuck out to the side.**

**I looked up from the clipboard I'd been studying, while sitting on a rather big speaker. "What can I do for you, Mr. Mendez?" I internally winced at the words, knowing I'd never say them normally, but I had to be nice. They were paying this theatre a lot of money to be here, and I didn't want to ruin it.**

**"There's a leak in the ceiling. Water got onto some of our sound equipment and shorted it all out. Do you think you could dig out some replacements?" he asked.**

**"Show me," I said, the air of authority leaking into my voice, even though I had none over the man in front of me.**

**He lead me backstage and over to a sound board. Water was dripping onto it from above, and nobody had been manning it. "It won't read the mics, so we can't do anything until it gets fixed."**

**I nodded, looking up. Then I reached back for my walkie, which hung on the back of my belt.**

**"Hey, Matt," I said into it.**

**"Yeah?" Came the reply after a minute.**

**"Are you still up in the catwalks?"**

**"Ten four,"**

**I rolled my eyes. "Well, get over to center stage and fix the leak you're going to find there."**

**"Right. Over and out,"**

**I kept my eyes on the catwalks, and started talking again.**

**"Radar," **

**I got a response immediately. Each person who worked with me, from the highest ranking down, gave me their location. I listened, and mentally mapped out where each one was.**

**"Cane, go down to the store room and find the sound board we used for the Christmas Play last year, and bring it up to backstage."**

**"Righto," she replied. She was the rookie of the group, so she listened to orders like her life depended on it, even though she sounded like a punk.**

**The other manager gave me a skeptical look. I only noticed after looking down from where Matt had appeared with a calk gun.**

**"Don't worry. She's small and fast and will get the job done." I assured him.**

**"Why Cane?" he asked.**

**"Like Candy-Cane. Long story having to do with Christmas and too much soda,"**

**Then I went back to talking into the walkie.**

**"I need ETA, Cane," **

**She hesitated. "It'll take me a while to dig it out of the Christmas junk. Within the next twenty or twenty-five minutes, for sure."**

**"Ten-four,"**

**"Twenty minutes?" he glanced at the curtain beside us. We could both hear the crowd, the largest we'd had in quite some time, and they were getting restless. Most people wanted to know what was going on.**

**"Somebody has to tell them what the holdup is," I said, watching the color drain out of his face. Going in front of that big a crowd apparently didn't appeal to him.**

**"I'll do it," I said. Then I looked up to Matt, again. He had patched the hole and was now coming down the stairs to my right.**

**"Yo," He said. "I'll just get this cleaned up right away." He gestured to the puddle and ruined equipment.**

**"You do that," I replied, giving him a quick grin. "Do me a favor and signal me when Cane gets up here and gets everything ready." He nodded, and I began walked back to the edge of the curtain. I peaked out. There wasn't much to see. The stage was still brightly lit, so the audience was drenched in black. All except three of them. They were sitting behind a raised desk, with the show's logo all over it.**

**The one closest to me was the only one I'd heard of until I started watching the show. He looked young, though I had no idea how old he actually was. He had a bald head, and no facial hair. He was lean, and friendly, and laughed all the time. His name was Howie Mandel.**

**The second, and in the middle, was a woman. She had very short, red hair, and was also very kind, but she was fair. She was about my mother's age, but she didn't look it. She was wearing a fancy black blouse. Her name was Sharon.**

**The last, and the most hated, was Piers Morgan. He was in about his mid forties, and it took a lot to please him. He had graying hair, which was short. He had an accent when he spoke, as he was from England. He wasn't mean, he was just a realist.**

**This took me all of three seconds to process. I then glanced at Mr. Mendez, who stayed well back from the stage. Smiling at him, I reached over and grabbed one of the wireless mics that was ours, and was hooked directly into our sound system, and not all the cameras and things.**

**I was met with an uproar when I walked onstage. Everyone was happy that something was happening, finally. They clapped and cheered.**

**I walked to center stage, where the show had put an X to show the contestants where to stand, and flipped on the mic.**

**I waited until they quieted down some, then spoke. "Hello. I'm Kara, I'm with the stage crew. We're having some technical difficulties, which is why you're all bored out of your skulls at the moment." I smiled at the few chuckles that got. "My sources tell me that it'll be about twenty minutes before the show can continue."**

**The groans that followed sort of sounded like a bunch of cows had wandered in. I glanced down at the judges. They all looked like they could care less. Looking back at the crowd I couldn't see, I said, "Well, look on the bright side. Maybe now you guys won't have to leave while it's still raining."**

**Nobody responded to that. Well, except one guy, who yelled, "Entertain us!" and was brought by a general cheer of agreement.**

**I grinned. "I don't know how I'm going to do that."**

**"Sing something!" came the suggestion, this time from a different part of the crowd.**

**It was then I noticed that someone had run up the stairs on the side of the stage, and was signaling to me to come to them. I recognized the young man as one of the persons that I worked with. We called him Ranger.**

**"Yes?" I asked, walking to him. "You have a suggestion?" I held the mic out to him.**

**He took it and gave me a lopsided grin. "You wouldn't happen to know any musicals, would you?"**

**I smiled back, knowing exactly where he was going. "One or two,"**

**"Would one happen to be Cats?"**

**"Of course. But which song would you like me to do?" This was all for show, and I think the judges knew it, but not anyone else.**

**He pretended to think. "The Pekes and the Pollicles?"**

**I shrugged. "Alright, but you have to help me,"**

**I turned back to the audience, some of whom I could see, now that I wasn't directly in front of the lights. "Just give us a minute to get organized."**

**I reached for my walkie and called in the two of my members that weren't busy. Then I frowned, and turned back to the audience. "Does anyone here know this song?" I asked, while walking back to the side of the stage so I could see. "And I mean know it, not heard of it."**

**I was met with crickets. There was nobody raising their hand. Well, nobody except for Howie.**

**I looked at him. "You know it?"**

**"Yup."**

**"Good," I grinned. "Get up here,"**

**We all arrived within a minute and gathered on stage. Besides Ranger and Howie, there were two others, the twins. Which worked out wonderfully in my book, because that's exactly who I needed. They were a boy and girl. The boy had brown eyes and hair, and it was cut short. The girl, who looked exactly like her brother, had hair down to her waist, the same color. We called them Phil and Lil, after the Rugrats.**

**"Alright, you two are in the same roles you had when we preformed this. Ranger, you've got to be the Rumpus Cat. And Howie," I grinned.**

**"I get Rum Tum Tugger, right?" He asked with a grin.**

**I nodded, grinning back. "And I'll be Munkustrap, the storyteller,"**

**They all nodded, and got into they're respective places after each grabbing a mic. Lil and Ranger were on my left, and Howie and Phil on my right.**

**"Alright, here we go." I said, to no one in particular.**

**I gathered my thoughts, then leapt up and did the first lines. **

_"Of the Aweful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles,_

_Together with some account of the parcitcipation of the Pugs and the Poms,_

_And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat!"_

**I really got into it now, and began dancing around as I sang,**

_"The Pekes and the Pollicles, as everyone knows, _

_Are proud and implacable passionate foes. _

_It is always the same, wherever one goes. _

_And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say, _

_That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way, _

_They will now and again join in to the fray._

_And they…"_

**At this point, Lil and Ranger barked, the Howie and Phil. This went on for about eight turns. I internally laughed at the fact that Ranger had pitched his voice higher to match Lil's.**

_"Bark"_

"Bark"

_"Bark"_

"Bark"

_"Bark"_

"Bark"

**Then I jumped back in. **

_"Until you could hear them all over the park…_

_Now on the occasion of which I shall speak, _

_almost nothing had happened for nearly a week. _

_And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke. _

_The big police dog was away from his beat, _

_I don't know the reason but most people think _

_he slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink."_

**The crowd was really getting into it by now, if the judges were any indicator.**

_"And no one at all, was about on the street,_

_When a Peke and a Pollicle, happened to meet."_

**The twins jumped out one at a time as I said the names of the dogs, and came and stood in front of me, facing each other.**

_"They did not advance, or exactly retreat,_

_But they glared at each other, and scrapped their hind feet,"_

**The twins followed my leads perfectly, pretending to glare at each other and scrapping their feet on the ground.**

_"And they started to…"_

_"Bark"_

"Bark,"

_"Bark"_

"Bark, Bark," **Phil did two, which he was supposed to do. To keep up the act, I gave him a confused look.**

_"Bark,"_

"Bark," **This one sounded like he knew something wasn't right.**

_"Bark,"_ **Lil voiced it so that she sounded like she was rolling her eyes.**

_"Until you could hear them all over the park,_

_And they…"_

**They barked again. Phil still did the two, but this time I tried to correct him, which didn't work.**

_"Until you could hear them all over the park,_

_Now the Peke, although people may say what they please_

_Is no British Dog, but a heathen Chinese _

_And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar _

_Some came to the window, some came to the door _

_There were surely a dozen, more likely a score _

_And together they started to grumble and wheeze _

_In their huffery-snuffery heathen Chinese _

_But a terrible din is what Pollicles like _

_For your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke,"_

**I pointed over to where Phil and Ranger had lined up single file. Then I pulled back my arm, as if to pull them out.**

**They began marching around the stage, and trying to run over me as part of the act. The whole time they were chanting:**

_"There are dogs out of every nation, _

_The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane, _

_The Russian, the Dutch the Dalmatian, _

_And even from China and Spain, _

_The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian _

_And the mastiff who walks on a chain"_

**I cut them off right here, and held out my hand to stop the marching. Phil, who was in the lead, began trying to punch me, but pretended his arms were too short to reach.**

_"And to those that are frisky and follicle Let my meaning be perfectly plain"_

**…And they came back with**

_"That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle- And you'd better not do it again"_

**I let Phil go when he said again, and he fell to the floor. I ignored him and sang:**

_"And is braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters, _

_And every dog-jack of them notable fighters, _

_And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order, _

_Playing When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border" _

**Here was Howie's part. He wandered forcefully around the stage, pretending to play the bagpipes, and knock everyone over. He was whistling the tune into his mic.**

_"Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof, _

_But some from the balcony, some from the roof, _

_Joined in to the din With a…"_

**I was practically yelling the last words, because I was supposed to be excited...and I was excited.**

**They did one more round of barking, then I came in:**

_"Until you could hear them all over the park,"_

**Now they advanced at each other from the opposite sides of the stage, Lil and Ranger chanting** _"Huffery-Snuffery, Huffery-Snuffery, Huffery-Snuffery, Huffery-Snuff!_"** In very high pitched and somewhat nasal voices.**

**I ran up the middle of them.**

_"Until you could hear them all over the park,"_

**They all started barking like mad, and after putting on a show of trying to calm them, I yelled, _"NOW!"_**

**They stopped and retreated a ways to their respective sides. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ranger slip off the stage.**

"When these bold heroes, together assembled,

_The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled, _

_And some of the neighbors were so much afraid _

_That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade! _

_When suddenly, up from a small basement flat, _

_Why who should stalk out but _

_THE GREAT RUMPUSCAT!"_

**The other three joined me in singing the last three words. As we sang them, we looked towards the side of the stage that Ranger wasn't on, only to have him fly out, and pretend to crash into something.**

**I looked around, and rolled my eyes visibly to the crowd, some of whom laughed. Then I ran over to him and pulled him to the center of the stage. Then I continued, using a sort of mystical, haunted house voice.**

_"His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing, He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing,"_

**As I said that, Ranger pretended to yawn. Then he snapped his jaws closed when I inspected his mouth.**

_"And when he looked through the bars of the area You never saw anything fiercer," _

**I paused and looked to the audience before finishing the line, saying it instead of singing it.**

_"Or hairier,"_

**That got a few chuckles. So I continued on…**

_"And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning _

_The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning _

_He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap- _

_And they every last one of them scattered like sheep,_

_And when the police dog returned to his beat,_

_There wasn't a single one left on the street,"_

**Ranger and I did a small little dance number. Each of us kicked out three times, then Ranger ran to the back of the stage, and I followed. Then we swept up the middle with one arm over our head and the other down near our bellies.**

**When we got to the middle, Howie stepped back out and started to play his 'bagpipes'. He timed it perfectly, and, as part of the act, his face fell when nobody replied to his interruption. His shoulders sagged and he walked off.**

**I rolled my eyes again, then we all gathered back in the middle of the stage for the final line.**

_"ALL HAIL AND ALL BOW TO THE GREAT RUMPUS CAT!"_

**At the end, we all bowed.**

**The applause was incredibly loud, and I nearly had to cover my ears. I smiled anyway, and we all bowed again.**

**Somewhere in the back, someone started chanting "Vegas! Vegas!" and it continued until the entire room was chanting it.**

**I laughed some, but was breathing hard, and had to stop to catch my breath. Howie fist bumped me and returned to his seat at the judge's desk. I high fived the rest of my group, to show them how awesome they were.**

**"I say we vote." Howie said into his mic, which was now working.**

**I glanced to the side, behind the curtain, and saw Matt standing beside Mr. Mendez, along with a young girl. She was wearing black pants with chains all over them and a black shirt with skulls on it. Her long blonde hair, who's tips were dyed dark blue, flowed out of a punk cap. Cane gave me a thumbs up, and I nodded back to her.**

**"Well," Started Sharon, who inevitably returned my attention to her. "What I like about you, is that you brought these characters to life. And you did it without sets, costumes, or even music. That's what sets you apart from any of the other actors I've seen."**

**The crowd cheered. Sharon handed it over to Piers.**

**He looked us all over with an eagle's eye. "Coming from England, I've seen the original play at least a dozen times. And I have to tell you, your performance tonight was one of the closest things I've seen to it,"**

**I could literally feel the relief flood through me. Then I had to remind myself that I wasn't actually a contestant.**

**"I do have one question to ask of you, though," Piers continued.**

**I smiled at him. "Yes?"**

**"I would like you to sing something that isn't so fast, or so rough. I can tell you have a beautiful voice, and I would really like to hear it."**

**I glanced to the others. They nodded encouragement.**

**"What would you like to hear?"**

**Piers was about to answer, but Howie cut him off. "I've got the perfect thing." He said to him, before turning to me. "Sing Memory,"**

**I smiled wider, and glanced to Piers, who nodded.**

**"Alright. One second," I turned to Lil, who was behind me. "Will you be mad if I asked Cane to do Jemima's part?"**

**She looked at me like I was insane. "Of course not. She sings it better than me anyway."**

**She walked over, followed by the others, and handed the mic to Cane, telling her my plan.**

**I took a deep breath, and began to sing.**

_"Memory,_

_Turn your face to the moonlight_

_Let your memory lead you_

_Open up enter in_

_If you find there, the meaning of what happiness is_

_Then a new day will begin_

_Memory _

_All alone in the moonlight _

_I can smile at the old days _

_I was beautiful then, _

_I remember the time I knew what happiness was _

_Let the memory live again _

_Burnt out ends of smoky days _

_The stale cold smell of morning _

_A streetlamp dies, another night is over _

_Another day is dawning, _

_Daylight _

_I must wait for the sunrise _

_I must think of a new life _

_And I musn't give in _

_When the dawn comes _

_Tonight will be a memory, too _

_And a new day will begin…"_

**Cane now stepped out onto the stage, and began to sing in her sweet, clear voice.**

_"Sunlight through the trees in summer_

_And there's masquerading,"_

**I rejoined her. I sang the lower part, and she the higher harmony.**

_"Like a flower, the dawn is breaking.."_

**Then it went back to just me.**

_"The memory is fading.."_

**I took a deep breath. This part was very powerful, and very hard to sing.**

_"Touch me! _

_It's so easy to leave me, _

_All alone with the memory, _

_Of my days in the sun! _

_If you touch me, _

_You'll understand what happiness is _

_Look A new day _

_has begun.."_

**There was stunned silence for about ten seconds after I finished. Then everyone was on their feet, cheering louder than before. I smiled and bowed, noticing that the judges were on their feet, too.**

**As everyone quieted down, Sharon said, "Wow,"**

**Howie replied with a "Yeah,"**

**"Why aren't you entered in this competition?" Piers asked out of the blue.**

**I grinned. "Because I had to work,"**

**He laughed at that.**

**After receiving many more compliments, and getting Cane to come back out for her share, I said, "Well, it's been fun. But now we must get back to your regularly scheduled programming."**

**I smiled wide at the resulting groan from the audience. Bowed once more, and exited the stage to another resounding applause.**

**Matt, Phil, Lil, Ranger and Cane were all waiting on me just beyond the curtain.**

**"I think we'll do alright for a while. Thanks to you," Ranger said, poking me in the arm.**

**"Thanks to all of us," I corrected, poking him back harder.**

**Cane stuck her hand out in front of her, and the rest of us put ours on top of it.**

**"Now for wrath!" She started.**

**"Now for Ruin!" Ranger followed.**

**"And a what?" I said.**

**"RED DAWN!" We all yelled, throwing our hands down on 'red' and up on 'dawn'.**

**I grinned happily and sent them back to work. Then I grabbed up the clipboard I had abandoned earlier, and began to study it once more.**

**

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**Those plot bunnies are going to kill me...anyways, I hoped you liked it! Haha, me and my silly LOTR obsession.  
I'm debating putting up another chapter, and developing these characters a little more. Review and tell me what you think! Thanks a lot!**  
**


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